Hoof Hearted?

Hoof hearted?

Oh, hello… Your poop-brown friends here. This week we play the Pink Tacos, and we would be remiss if we did not exploit this team for what/ who they are. Vaginas.

Now listen… I love and appreciate the female anatomy as much as anyone, but it is important to note the negative connotation given to this terming when on a field of battle. As it were, history has proven to us that the tacos are largely vaginal in their style of play, and we hope to exploit that this week. They will be exploited via a number of negative actions such as:   Cooter Punch  or Vaginal Vampire

Also, in case you were previously unaware, a restaurant chain which shares the same name as our Taco friends was previously banned from franchising in Arizona. I say that we all rally behind our forward-thinking-Arizonian friends, and finally admonish these tacos for their antics, yes?

Do we fart? You bet. But opinions are like ass-holes and everybody’s got one. And at least our emissions of air are not coming from the “pink,” yes? And girls don’t actually fart because that is gross. (This last sentence is not important to the greater theme of this blog, but I suppose I just needed to clarify that.) 

Alright, see you out there, you dirty tacos.

(p.s. We secretly love you and want to lick you… after we spank you. Ok, byeeeeeeee.)

Hoof hearted? OUT!

Stepdads

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God

I don't know but today seems kinda odd

No barking from the dogs, no fog

And fiance cooked a breakfast with no hog

I got my grub on, but didn't pig out

Finally got a call from James who wants to kick about

Hooked it up on later as I hit the do'

Thinking I got kickball , under twenty-fo'

I gotta go cause I got wash my WAKA top

And if I buy those new kicks, I'd make your draw drop

Had to stop at a red light

Looking in my mirror not a Pink Taco in sight

And everything is alright

I got a call from MG and he can Flip Cup all night

Called up the StepDads and I'm askin y'all

Which field, are we playin kickball?

Get me on the field and I'm trouble

Last week made Lookin 2 Score kick into a double

Scaring Ballsagna everyway like O.J.

I can't believe, today is a good day

-Brent East

Speakin' of good days.  Check it out... One of our players got some new kicks.  I don't want to give it away, but how could you not miss these pretty shoes on the field!

Congratulations to Collin Fleck on being our Player of the Week last week with a home run!

Bad News Beers

Can we say Heat Stroke?!?!? It was hot as Hades last week, but the Beers stayed cool with a 9-6 win over We Got The Runs.( Although, they did beat us at flipcup later, so I must give props where they are deserved.)

Neuman wowed us with his homeruns and Analyshia kept them out on second. I could have scored if a certain catcher hadn't been in the way. Damn, I should have plowed them over....

This week we play Wanna Be A Baller and Oh no!!! Looks like they are undefeated! Do I see a challenge on our horizon?
With a steady kick and our witty banter, we accept!!

Pink Tacos

This week we are pumped up and ready to pimp slap Hoof Hearted? We had a week off for rest and relaxation, and now we are ready to go.  Some of us Tacos are torn this week because we love our friends on the Hoof Hearted? team, but that won’t stop us from taking down a poop brown kickball team.  We just have one word of advice, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself!


We want you to know, that you are welcome to come have a pre-game drink with us, AND a post-game celebratory drink; celebrating our win of course.


1-2-3 EAT IT!


P.S. This will probably guarantee that we don’t win the blog contest, but this video clip reminds me of our commishiner M.G. (look I used the periods!) I hope you all agree with me…

Nonsensical Ninjas

Well, it seems we might have under trained last week with those 100,000,000 kicks that we talked about. Kickelob Ultra is a fine and solid squad so first of all we'll give props to the winning team. Now, that being said, we played the worst game of kickball seen since 1st grade special ed class.  We dropped at least 5 or 6 easy balls, and couldn't kick to save our lives.  My 5 year old son could have scored multiple runs against us that day, and he doesn't have any legs (not true, they're just really little legs, and to be fair he's already a soccer stud).

After the 2-1 loss we stayed through nightfall to workout some kinks, and continued our ninja training throughout the week.

Another Practice Sunday for the Denver Tourney, then on to Tuesday where another worthy opponent "Balls in Dootie" will be taken to the wood shed (like WAKA Texas Ranger week 2). Nothing personal, just caught us on a rebound week.




With a little sweat, luck and tips from Ninja Diemon Daves we should be ready to go!

your sensei and Nonsensical Ninjas

Nonsensical Ninjas

"I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times."

--Bruce Lee


Bad news for KICKELOB ULTRA, while y'all were out booze'n all weekend, we've practiced 10,000 kick, 10,000 times. I know, its hard to believe we could get any better...

PS, don't worry Jack Booty Thongs, we haven't forgot about you. Week 1 the lights saved you, Week 2 the rain, and week 3 your Bye.  NOTHING will save you come week 4!


your sensei & Nonsensical Ninjas,
Rhinoe

Stepdads

This season is off to a great start.  We have won against two tough opponents and are looking forward to playing Drunk and Looking to Score.  They are a talented bunch, but I think they are beatable.  This weekend the Stepdads had a practice session that was closed to the media.  We watched film, we studied our own swings and throws, and we are improved and ready to show we are a team in contention of the championship.  

Last week against the Kickin' Nuggets, Dillon was our Player of the Game.  Not only did he bring jello shots and gummy bears, but he also had one the most circus catches I have ever seen.  I wish it was recorded somewhere.  

If you aren't playing at 7:45 this is the game to watch!   

Bad News Beers

Our first game (last week was a BYE) and what a wet splendor it was!!!

All players showed up except one and only two people got hurt. Even though it was a loss, we managed to keep Drunk And looking to Score at bay with only four runs. Pretty good for having rookies on our team.

Look out We got the Runs, because we're ready to give you some kickball diarrhea.....

Pink Tacos

We had a really hard loss last week, and it was against a high caliber team.  We want to give props to where props are due, so congrats Kick Me Baby, One More Time, you put up one tough fight.

This week we have a bye so we are ref’ing instead of playing, BUT we will be unveiling our new kickball shirts so we will see you out on the fields!

1-2-3 EAT IT!

Hoof Hearted?

This is how Hoof hearted? feels after our victory last week. Though we be nubile still, we finally recognize how wonderful it feels to live up to our true potential.

And henceforth and forevermore we will make this face while winning and passing gas both.

Smooches,
Hoof hearted?

Stepdads

There isn't more to say.  IBWIK is a good team and they will be a threat throughout the season.  We  humbly take our win and realize it is just a "one game at a time" season.  We are playing for nothing less than to win the Championship.

Next week we take on the Kickin' Nuggets and they just got embarrassed by our rival team the Pink Tacos. It may not sound fair but we have to win just as much.  So Kickin' Nuggets be ready to meet a lot of new friends, you will have plenty of chances to get to know us as we are running the bases!

Congratulates to Kate Lemon on being our Player of the Game last week.  I am looking for a breakout performance this game by someone over 6 feet tall...

If you want to keep up with us- be sure to Like us on FB:

Stepdads

Nonsensical Ninjas

So, it seems We Ninjas trained a little too hard in preparations for the Summer League.

Because of this, Week 1 either the lights were too afraid to come on or JACKS BOOTY THONGS rigged it as to get out of the game early.  Would make sense since they were begging to call the game over and a TIE after a mere 2 innings at 0-0 (we were just getting warmed-up), and it seems right now the Sun might even try to hide from the Ninjas on Tuesday!  Shall we meet Tuesday JBT & WAKA TEXAS RANGERS will suffer the consequences!

Food for thought. My kickball game is kinda like my Ping-Pong game shown here:

your Sensai &
Nonsensical Ninja

Pink Tacos

Dear Kickin’ Nuggets,

I hope we didn’t scare you away from kickball.  I am only kind of sorry that we beat you 20-1, but I’m really not that sorry.  Now that the butt kicking is over, come take shots with us anytime!

Now on to Kick Me Baby, One More Time…

After checking our schedule, you guys are the only real competition we will face until playoffs.  This doesn’t mean that we are scared because we are definitely ready to kick some Britney Spears loving ass. (I assume that’s where you got your awesome kickball name… insert sarcasm here) Definitely join us for shots before and after the game to soothe your loss.

I do want to welcome some new and returning players to our team!  First there is John Gardner, Apache pulled him out of the woodwork but we are excited to have such an athletic new player!  Then we have Bryan Williamson, he finally joins us for kickball and has displayed amazing skills when it comes to first base.  Next we have returning taco Marianna Storozyszyn, along with her awesomeness; she makes our taco girls even hotter.  Last but not least we have Oscar Esparza Jr. we happily stole Oscar from the Stepdads (AKA our conference commissioner’s team) and it might have been the best thing that ever happened to us as a team and Oscar.  He is one of the best catchers in the league so come out and see what our little Mexican can do!

I dedicate this picture to our kickass captain Apache Master.  We wouldn’t be who we are without him! However, if you haven’t already noticed our theme this year is Indian Tacos, so don’t get too close to Apache, he might scalp you…

1-2-3 EAT IT!

Hoof Hearted?

Hoof hearted?

We're back. We're wearing poop brown a the gods intended, and we are as gassy as ever. We tied our first game, and we did not have any major injuries. These are our little victories. As the weeks continue, we anticipate much more sweat, many-a-victory, and some sweet chocolate brown lovin' from all of us to you.

See (smell) you out there.

-Hoof hearted?

THE O.K.C.

Get Ready, Boys and Girls. If you don't know, ask your friends. 

Because...

     "If you are unafraid, you are uninformed."

Stepdads!

Here we are.  Last summer Stepdads played a great season and took down some really talented teams to be crowned as Capital League's champion.  It's hard to believe that two seasons have gone by with lackluster results.  When you are at the top, your players are coveted and your greats go on.  A few now play for OKC, some play for Milk Muscles, and yes even our rival- the Pink Tacos.    

We have taken the off-season and retooled.  As general manager I am proud to say our team is as good, if not better than the summer team that won it all last year.  I am not saying our path shall be easy.  There are a lot more teams than there were last summer.    

Hopefully me and my friend Clifton D. Emert and I will be playing bingo once again...

I love this trophy.

Pitches Be Crazy

Some days you show up to win, and some days you show up because it is required of you. I’m not saying we aren’t competitive, but when you play the Cher team of the league, the team with one name, its understandable that we showed up a little intimidated. We may look pretty, but our game was far from it. We weren’t sloppy drunk yet, but our game was.

It started off on a good note, coach Chelsea caught a line drive down the 3rd baseline. The kickball gods just wanted to give us a sliver of hope, because then they loaded the bases. A bobble later would score 2. Bradey then woke up in a new Bugatti and would turn up. We would close the inning out.

We got to clap our hands in celebration once in the bottom of the 1st. Jeremy was able to beat out a bunt, and would advance to second. However, that would be about it. I was able to take about 3 drinks from my beer, before we were called back to the field.

OKC would take over in the top of the 2nd. They scored plenty in that inning. Not sure if the alcohol was setting in or if my brain is just trying to block out that portion of time because it makes me feel dejected. but all I remember is white Jackie Chan taking the plate. If you’ve played them, you know who I’m talking about with that spinning cross-kick. I’m sure he would be a very popular luchador in the underground Mexican Wrestling circuit. They scored a bunch, and I started thinking about how much tequila I needed to drink to feel happy again.

Can we skip our at bats in the 2nd? Actually, can we skip our plate appearances all together? I’m not saying we didn’t have anything that wasn’t blog worthy. To be honest, once I realized we probably weren’t going to score, my priorities changed to drowning the sadness that was occurring. I was drinking out of a styrofoam cup, so it might have been destined to be a sad day anyway.

I’m not sure if we were just committing less errors, or if OKC lost interest in us, but they didn’t score for a while. Sure, we learned that they could jump and roll past our throws, and Chelsea even learned why hands are so important in kickball. Seriously, have you ever seen anyone chest bump a line drive? Dude, she jumped up right into it. I’m not sure if she thought the force would pop the ball, which would cause an automatic game over, or if she thought the ball would just stick right in the middle of her chest. All I know is, her boobs are not thanking her for it.

Lets keep it short, partially because we didn’t do anything of significance but more because I’ve been dogging tornados and grapefruit sized hail all night, and Coach Chelsea is already going to be pissed I turned this in late. OKC would score again, we wouldn’t. It was a lot to a little. I learned something though, even with our sad faces, we’re still a bunch of pretty pitches. Who do we have next? I don’t know, can’t look because time is running out and Chelsea might possibly kill me. But whoever it is, I know we won’t play that way again. You ballers stay sane, my Pitches Be Crazy.

The D.D.'s

This week we play Jack Booty Thugs. Since we've had two weeks to rest up, I suspect we may win this game.

Woop woop!!! My kids have gone in their summer vacation so look out Grandads bar, I'm ready for some flip cup.

I'd like to give a shout out to the Norman kickballers and everyone who has helped with the relief efforts. Oklahomans are OK!!!!

WAKA Cares

There is a new page that is on our Blog. “WAKA CARES”

I wanted to write a little about how wonderful our league has been through this tragedy.  Please take the time to read it, and feel free to post comments if you have anything to share.  

The rebuilding has just begun, and we are sure that there are still some that need a little help to get back on their feet.  If you know of any player, or friend, that has any needs feel free to email us at gmot.okc@gmail.com 

We are looking for volunteers within our league.  Each Wednesday for the rest of our spring season (both Norman and OKC); we want to help specific families that are dear to the WAKA community.  So email us your nominations of who needs help and their needs - we will then load up the party bus and go deliver what we can!  Please help us to know the needs of our league and their friends.  

Giving Online for Tornado Relief Efforts

Hey ballers,

Looking for a way to help? Here is a link to donate directly to the WAKA volunteer efforts through PayPal. ALL of these proceeds will be used to donate DIRECTLY to 2 Guys 1 Truck who will pass it on to a relief partner agency or to purchase supplies to provide for relief efforts in Shawnee and Moore.

More info on how to help here: http://www.facebook.com/events/588457091187310/ We appreciate you!

Questions? Contact Robert Norris - 405-370-8168, or James Speegle 405-808-2573, Molly Schantz 405-570-5058, or Tatianna Proctor 405-596-3836.

Casual Encounters

I really can't say much to defend our poor performance this week. Instead I will address my blog to my team this week. Guys - we can do better. We HAVE done better. This week let's bring our A game. This week - NO missed connections.

DD's

So we totally got our asses kicked last week. Field lights were so bright that we were having trouble catching. Oh, and also Stephen was scaring everyone by yelling "You got it!" He should have been yelling "I got it!"

Also, I was sick as a dog but I'm rested now. Got a massage and some California sun this weekend and we are ready to kick some Thunder Thigh butt. Or is it thigh??

Anywho, let's go DDs!!!

The Evolutionaries

OK, Kick Tease, with your beautiful and unblemished record......get ready to cry. Hard. And then cry some more. Because you are definitely going DOWN by the Evolutionaries and your number 1 rank is in the hole. Do you hear me? THE HOLE!!!! 

Go ahead. Cry. Like a baby. Cuz we're gonna take your candy away. And your bottles, not change your diaper, or rock you to sleep either. Sorry. Not really. We're bringing the A++ game. See you on the field. Consider your possum kicked.

O.K.C.

Casual Encounters

So I am just going to come straight out and say it – the last two weeks sucked.  With the bad weather, and losing one of our best players half way through last week’s game – things went from a fun casual encounter to coyote ugly.  I mean almost literally – Daniel actually dislocated his shoulder to get away from team OKC. I personally blame Speegle’s awkward sideline dancing for distracting him.

We are ready to put the last two weeks behind us, and come hard tomorrow. Slap and Tickle better expect a lot more slapping than tickling this week – as I expect for this week to be less like a casual encounter and more like revenge sex.

Sincerely,
SWF – I’ll be the catcher if you’ll be the pitcher.

Stepdads

Last week the Stepdads played a great opponent in the Thunder Thighs.  They are better than their record suggests.  They are getting their feet wet, and however they finish this season will only be the platform for better things going forward.  
This week we play Kick Tease.  Although we respect them as an undefeated team, they have only played one team that could win a kickball game to the death against one legged ostriches… the Pink Tacos.  
We have had a chance to play together with a prepared lineup and shall be victorious this week and show that we deserve some respect.  Kick Tease, no more teasing- we are going to win.

What Robert Norris looks like without a kilt... Who would have thought?

**PLAYER OF THE WEEK**

Oscar Esparza, Jr. 

Great all around player.  Like losing our very own Russel Westbrook, we are all working to overcome the points and assists this player brings to every game.  Although down with a banged up knee- there is no doubt we will keep playing strong with his support.  Hopefully he will be back by the playoffs!

Kick Tease

Last week was a battle of epic proportions as Kick Tease finally faced a worthy opponent in the Pink Tacos.   In the end, Kick Tease was once again victorious, but we gained a lot of respect for our pink friends who love tacos and beer.  Out of respect, after the game we stuffed our faces with tacos from Big Truck.

Enough with being nice and respectful, time to get back to kicking ass and taking names.  Last week was too close - our offense was unacceptable and our defense was just plain offensive.  This week it’s time to get the train back on the tracks against the guy we all love to hate the Stepdads.

We know Stepdads will be out to get us as this is a must win game to save their season. They currently sit on the outside looking in on the playoff hunt with only one win on the season.  After every week, and every loss they seem to have a new excuse for why their team sucks at life.  They seem to be better at making excuses than kicking balls.  It’s all they do good.  It’s either a leg thing or a spiritual thing, or a psychological thing, or a heart attack.  (We are just guessing that the heart attack excuse comes next)

Stepdads, you have the potential to be a great team, but we’d just like to say, you’re standing on the tracks and the train’s coming though butt head.   

Kick Tease out.

The D.D.'S

DDs

We hereby declare a kickball triumph, twice!! Ok, ok, so our first couple of games didn't go so well, but we are back with a vengeance. So what if ..And Looking to Score hasn't lost any games. So what if half our team has vanished into thin air. WE ARE READY!!!!

Armed with tutus, an occasional Sunday practice and beer, we will rise from the ashes and win!!

Otherwise, we'll see YOU at flip cup and victory will be ours!

Sent from my iPhone  

(Yes, her iPhone- see how easy it is to write a blog article?)

Angry Unicorns

A “Good Day!” we say to everyone
From your favorite team with a mythical name
We have yet to meet some of you fine folks
And that’s such a kicking shame
We spent last week reffing and drinking
And for your loss, we aren’t to blame
Let me be honest and tell you
Some of you have no game.
We are so proud of our Lightning All Stars!
Ryan & Shauna are sure to get fame
But get your hands off everyone
They are ours to claim.

This week we play the Oh! KC Royals
And we hear they’re really lame
But our records are really close
So we won’t talk too big of a game.
We are coming to overthrow you Oh! KC Royals
We will see who has the better game
Be warned we are angry and horny
And sure as hell not tame.

Pitches Be Crazy

Mother Nature is cool isn’t she? Last week we got to play in the frozen tundra. This week we got the amazing opportunity that Helen Hunt was chasing for in the great American movie classic, “Twister.” We got to play in a tornado! I was jazzed, even if I didn’t show it with my hands. Before the game started, I could’ve sworn I hot tub time machined my way back to my awkward years at the 5th-6th grade dance. The dudes were all huddled together on one side, while our lady friends were a good 10 feet away. Except this time it was the gal-pals spiking the punch. You can tell us Pitches are new to this kickball thing. We don’t talk strategy. We don’t set lineups based on maximizing our opportunities to score. We hit 12 oz curls and talk about sports. Well, the girls talk about nails or whatever it is they giggle about over there, but you catch my drift. Unfortunately, we had to play the game a man down, and I mean that literally. If you didn’t know we were playing a male short before the game, you would’ve been reminded multiple times throughout by Captain Chelsea. 

Bradey has been hitting the bowling alley recently. He actually bowled a 187 last week, sober. So yeah, we felt like it was time for him to grace the mound. He connected with his inner Roy Munsun, and it was on. We took the field first. KC had 4 kickers come up, and 3 go down. 

Bradey was feeling good about himself, and started the bottom of the 1st with a double. However, our next 3 kickers weren’t feeling the choice of music, or jammage as I really want to say, going on behind the plate and distracted themselves into outs. 

Lets start the second inning off by saying that Stephen has been making a hit list on referees since the season started. Taking notice of who isn’t watching his miraculous play, especially when given the luxury of being up so close. However, while the 1st base umpire’s were having a riveting discussion about a new butternut squash risotto recipe, KC started the second by bunting to Bradey. Bradey threw it to first and Stephen hit the runner with the ball before they could touch the base. One of the umps was just getting to how much white wine you mix in when they were forced to make a decision. They were feeling giving, probably because they were drinking too much of that white wine, and called the runner safe. It would almost come back to haunt us when the bases were loaded. We got out of the jam after Kup caught the rebound off the miss by Kendall’s face. Yes, I’m pretty sure you read that correctly. 

Kup started the bottom of the 2nd with a line drive. Taryn moved him to second after being forced out at 1. Stephen bunts and while running down the baseline, gets beamed in the dome piece. I guess there’s some rule about not being able to hit someone in the head. They explained it but I was too busy laughing to pay attention. Any who, it scored Kup and we were on the board. 

In the top of the 3rd, KC popped one up into deep right field. I suggest we do a substance test on the league, because homeboy Mark McGuire’d one up there. Kup settled underneath it, until it entered the middle vortex of the dust tornado. Then he settled underneath it again. Again, and again. Until finally, it hit the ground. KC huffed and puffed one out into a home-run. He might have been happy he scored but he regretted running the whole way around,  I can tell you that much. Bradey got a four foul put down. Then, back to the refs. This time, it was on the 3rd baseline. I can’t remember if this was the time one of them was letting the alcohol move them in rhythmic dance movements, or if they were also discussing the amazing risotto recipe, but Chelsea tagged the runner out before they reached third. Yet, they were called safe. It was cool, the home-plate umpire was paying attention while still jamming out on his boom-box radio to overrule the call. 

Still 1-1 going into the bottom of the 3rd. Which wasn’t very magical for us. 3 up, 3 down. 

KC started off with a rally in the 4th. They scored a man early and then Bradey got pissed. He slowed the world with a change-up and made KC whiff on one. We got out of the inning. KC 2- Pitches 1. 

I appreciate short innings, it means I don’t have to attempt to be witty. However, I hate it when it occurs with my team. 3 up, 3 down for us in the 4th. May the 4th be with you? Well, it wasn’t. 

Bradey was zoned in. If he was back at Windsor Hills Midnight Disco Bowling Hour, I’m pretty sure he would have bowled a 300. He caused another swing and miss, this time with that stinky Cheez Whiz. No celery. 

As if my team is full of Nostrodaums’, they must’ve known about my love of short innings for blog purposes. Another 3 up, 3 down. Game over

KC 2-Pitches 1.  

We got an off week this week, which I will take advantage of and use this free-time to visit my drunk evil twin. I will also attempt to not land myself on any of your referee hit lists as well, no promises though. I just found this wicked banana crumb muffin recipe that I think all my teammates will love. Until then, you Pitches stay crazy. You know we will.. 

Kicks and Giggles

Kicks & Giggles damn near got their first W of the season last week, but we fell asleep on one play and let it slip away. This week it won’t be so easy. We play Jack Booty Thugs and currently we are picked to lose 4-2….

The Thugs probably have a dream to get their first W of the season against us… well guess what, WE ARE DREAM CRUSHERS!

There will only be one team that walks away with a victory this week and I promise you, it will not be Jack Booty Thugs.

Also, we are pretty happy with a Canadian win (Americans refer to it as a tie). 

Kick Tease

We would talk about last week’s game, but there is no need, new week, same results – Kick Tease domination!

This week it’s time for the kids to show daddy a thing or two.  A little background – Captain Robert started his illustrious kickball career playing for the franchise known as the Pink Tacos.  Since those early beginnings, Captain Robert has moved on to bigger and better things forming the team now known as Kick Tease. 

We are going to show the older, slower, over-the-hill, washed up Pink Tacos a little respect and not talk too much trash to them before our match up Tuesday night. 

We will make a couple of guarantees – 

1. Both teams are going to drink, a lot.

2. Teaser (get it Kick Tease giving a teaser) there may be a keg on 2^nd base.

3. We will be hairier than the Tacos.  

Kick Tease – Stuffing Tacos Since 2013.

Pitches Be Crazy

I have beef with Mother Nature. I’m of the native persuasion. I’ve tribal danced a time or two to the music of my people. So, I’m pretty confident in my abilities to make it rain. For the past couple weeks I’ve been trying to sweet talk her into some nicer weather. You know the whole rigmarole, not littering, actually using the restroom instead of peeing outside after an all-night rager. I’m just a regular dude trying to sweet talk her up to get what I want, which was some good weather on Tuesday. Instead, she hit me with the same cold shoulder I’ve become too familiar with. I tell people I play for the love of competition, but I really joined for the chicks and beer. Unfortunately, last week I walked into a National Geographic edition of “Surviving Winter with the Eskimos.” I’m pretty sure I heard, “put the hand-warmer in my bra,” at one point. I highly contemplated turning into one of those parents who forces their kids to play sports while they sit in their vehicle with the heater on  full blast and cheer from the parking lot. I didn’t, which is something I regret. I also heard someone call us the ‘Pretty team’ again, which considering you could only see our eyes, really makes me wonder what the rest of you look like. We got an awesome opportunity this week and got to play the team behind Pixar’s Incredibles. 

We started off the 1st inning at the plate, and I started off the 1st inning explaining what base coaches were... to a dude. Jeremy got the game going by beating out a bunt to 1st. Jeremy is the Ichiro of the Waka Kickball league. The dude is halfway down the line before you realize the game actually started. Next thing you know, we got the bases loaded with one out. Walkup took the plate dressed in the exact same clothing he used to use to drop weight back in the ol’ wrastlin’ glory days. Yes ladies, we have a wrestler on our team. No ladies, he will not be playing in his singlet later in the year... at least I hope not. Kup got on and scored Jeremy and Stephen. Kendall loaded the bases back up, but Kup started dreaming about that time he almost beat that wrestler from OSU and got rolled into a line drive double play. We let the first Inkredinutz batter on with an error, not because we don’t know what we are doing, basically because we are just nice like that. However, as that runner would eventually find out from Stephen, Rick Ross will pummel a motha-waka trying to advance to 3rd. We shut them out in the first. 

I can’t remember if the second inning was just irrelevant, or if I was too busy shot gunning alcohol to pay attention. Probably both, nothing happened and if you’re that interested in what a Pitches Be Crazy vs. Dragon Ball Z second inning looks like, read their blog. Hopefully, they mentioned something. 

Believe me, I didn’t think there was a YouTube Kickball Instructional video that Webb hasn’t seen yet. But after watching him whiff and slide down at the plate in the 3rd inning, I can assure you he has not watched the video on how to kick in the cold. We loaded the bases again with two outs, but Stephen couldn’t score. Considering his woman, Gabby, was there, I doubt he scored that night either. Kup had another WakaCenter top play in the bottom of the 3rd, diving in the mud with another “Dadadah-dadadah” 

We started off the top of the 4th with a 2-0 lead. Captain Chelsea took the plate, and then went down in a not so blaze of glory. Someone’s not taking practice very seriously are they? Yes, practice. We talking about practice, Iverson. You could tell we’ve been avoiding that subject, considering we couldn’t get another run in. Something unimportant in my life, but I’m positive was extra-magical for the Inkreditesties, occurred in the bottom of the 4th. The ref gave them 7 runs for some reason. Whatever, I couldn’t feel my body at this point. That means my heart was colder than usual, which means I couldn’t feel feelings. 

We didn’t put a run together in the top of the fifth, not because we couldn’t but because we were just ready to be warm again. We scored one but that was just to prove that we could have won that game if we wanted.

3-7 Inkredinadz. 

I guess the KC Royals are tired of sucking a fat one in the MLB and have decided to bless us with their presence this Tuesday. All I know is, they better be ready because we are throwing this at them. We may be new, but we Pitches Be Crazy. 

Kicks & Giggles

So last week, the training montage didn’t seem to help us achieve our first victory of the season. HOWEVER, I do believe Kicks & Giggles does have a Flip Cup “King of the Table” on their roster… small victories!

This week Kicks n’ Giggles look to turn a small victory into a big fat W. We will face off against Milk Muscles.

In preparation, Kicks & Giggles watched over sixty hours of game film, ran drills until we puked,  slept in hyperbaric chambers and waxed on and waxed off until our fingers bled and our wrists had carpel tunnel.

Mike Muscles better come prepared, because the KICK WILL HIT THE FAN…

We’re coming to win this week. We are tired of losing. Losing is a lot like: