Pitches Be Crazy

Mother Nature is cool isn’t she? Last week we got to play in the frozen tundra. This week we got the amazing opportunity that Helen Hunt was chasing for in the great American movie classic, “Twister.” We got to play in a tornado! I was jazzed, even if I didn’t show it with my hands. Before the game started, I could’ve sworn I hot tub time machined my way back to my awkward years at the 5th-6th grade dance. The dudes were all huddled together on one side, while our lady friends were a good 10 feet away. Except this time it was the gal-pals spiking the punch. You can tell us Pitches are new to this kickball thing. We don’t talk strategy. We don’t set lineups based on maximizing our opportunities to score. We hit 12 oz curls and talk about sports. Well, the girls talk about nails or whatever it is they giggle about over there, but you catch my drift. Unfortunately, we had to play the game a man down, and I mean that literally. If you didn’t know we were playing a male short before the game, you would’ve been reminded multiple times throughout by Captain Chelsea. 

Bradey has been hitting the bowling alley recently. He actually bowled a 187 last week, sober. So yeah, we felt like it was time for him to grace the mound. He connected with his inner Roy Munsun, and it was on. We took the field first. KC had 4 kickers come up, and 3 go down. 

Bradey was feeling good about himself, and started the bottom of the 1st with a double. However, our next 3 kickers weren’t feeling the choice of music, or jammage as I really want to say, going on behind the plate and distracted themselves into outs. 

Lets start the second inning off by saying that Stephen has been making a hit list on referees since the season started. Taking notice of who isn’t watching his miraculous play, especially when given the luxury of being up so close. However, while the 1st base umpire’s were having a riveting discussion about a new butternut squash risotto recipe, KC started the second by bunting to Bradey. Bradey threw it to first and Stephen hit the runner with the ball before they could touch the base. One of the umps was just getting to how much white wine you mix in when they were forced to make a decision. They were feeling giving, probably because they were drinking too much of that white wine, and called the runner safe. It would almost come back to haunt us when the bases were loaded. We got out of the jam after Kup caught the rebound off the miss by Kendall’s face. Yes, I’m pretty sure you read that correctly. 

Kup started the bottom of the 2nd with a line drive. Taryn moved him to second after being forced out at 1. Stephen bunts and while running down the baseline, gets beamed in the dome piece. I guess there’s some rule about not being able to hit someone in the head. They explained it but I was too busy laughing to pay attention. Any who, it scored Kup and we were on the board. 

In the top of the 3rd, KC popped one up into deep right field. I suggest we do a substance test on the league, because homeboy Mark McGuire’d one up there. Kup settled underneath it, until it entered the middle vortex of the dust tornado. Then he settled underneath it again. Again, and again. Until finally, it hit the ground. KC huffed and puffed one out into a home-run. He might have been happy he scored but he regretted running the whole way around,  I can tell you that much. Bradey got a four foul put down. Then, back to the refs. This time, it was on the 3rd baseline. I can’t remember if this was the time one of them was letting the alcohol move them in rhythmic dance movements, or if they were also discussing the amazing risotto recipe, but Chelsea tagged the runner out before they reached third. Yet, they were called safe. It was cool, the home-plate umpire was paying attention while still jamming out on his boom-box radio to overrule the call. 

Still 1-1 going into the bottom of the 3rd. Which wasn’t very magical for us. 3 up, 3 down. 

KC started off with a rally in the 4th. They scored a man early and then Bradey got pissed. He slowed the world with a change-up and made KC whiff on one. We got out of the inning. KC 2- Pitches 1. 

I appreciate short innings, it means I don’t have to attempt to be witty. However, I hate it when it occurs with my team. 3 up, 3 down for us in the 4th. May the 4th be with you? Well, it wasn’t. 

Bradey was zoned in. If he was back at Windsor Hills Midnight Disco Bowling Hour, I’m pretty sure he would have bowled a 300. He caused another swing and miss, this time with that stinky Cheez Whiz. No celery. 

As if my team is full of Nostrodaums’, they must’ve known about my love of short innings for blog purposes. Another 3 up, 3 down. Game over

KC 2-Pitches 1.  

We got an off week this week, which I will take advantage of and use this free-time to visit my drunk evil twin. I will also attempt to not land myself on any of your referee hit lists as well, no promises though. I just found this wicked banana crumb muffin recipe that I think all my teammates will love. Until then, you Pitches stay crazy. You know we will..