Pitches Be Crazy

First off, I don’t know about you but I’m glad we were finally able to get a game in. I’ve been running out of excuses to give on why I won’t be able to attend another weekend practice to hone our kickball skills. There’s a 99.99% chance I’m fighting a hangover, and another 99.99% chance I’m getting ready to fight another. Rain dances? Ain’t nobody got time for all that. However to be fair, I’m quite possibly the reason one of those games got cancelled. A native got to make his money, you know? 

Yes, this might be our first year of kickball. Heck, most of us haven’t even played since the day our gym teacher let us play after that awkward 5th grade dance in the school cafeteria. You know what I’m talking about. Girls on the left, boys on the right. But we have grown since then, hit puberty and now my Pitches were beginning to have blue balls. Webb has been dying to put those new kickball fundamental skills he learned from his midnight YouTube binges to the test. Katie has had some new socks she’s been waiting to drop on the world for such an occasion. Chelsea has been tired of trying to figure out who will show up for practice, instead of guessing who might show up for the game. So we were pleased when we discover Mother Nature was going to fulfill our kicking of balls thirst, rather that Lake Hefner’s dry ass. We brought beer, but mostly penicillin for our match against My Jimmy Burns. 

The word around kickball town is that girl’s don’t usually pitch. We find that strange, and being all into sexual equality and all, we threw Jimmy’s Egg a little wrinkle. We unleashed Kendall. It worked. The first batter was so distracted, that by the time they realized what was going on, they fouled one off into Top 10 history. “Dadadah-dadadaah!” Kup comes flying in from left field. I swear, if dude had a cape, he probably would’ve stayed up for a 1/2 second longer. Stephen had his chance for Top 10 stardom with two outs, but couldn’t fondle Jimmy John’s balls appropriately. Didn’t matter, Jimmy couldn’t score. We started off slow, our first two kickers went down to the screams of our captian yelling, “Should’ve shown up to practice.” Then it was her turn, Chelsea kicked a dribble down the line and beat the throw to first. I haven’t seen Chels hit that type of speed since the last time she was chasing her kids around during our players meeting. She started a two out rally that loaded the bases, but like that one time freshman year, we just couldn’t close the deal. 

Taryn almost cost us Pitches a run in the top of the 3rd. With one out and a man on 2nd, Taryn disregarded Webbs advice of acting like you’ve been there before. She caught a pop up and then displayed all the vented up frustrations that come with teaching children, in one white girl victory dance. Jimmy Eats World’s runner advanced to 3rd, but Sam was rolling that stinky limburger cheese and got us out of the jam. Bottom of 3rd featured the play of the week. Jeremy got on base and as he was advancing around, he showed his athletic prowess as well as is appreciation for alcohol. He avoided the beer can lying on 3rd base, left there by Jimmy Buffet’s 3rd baseman. The kickball gods appreciated the gesture, and then blessed us with a run. 

We took control of the game in the 4th inning. Molly scored two runs, but after touching 1st base, she frolicked through out the outfield instead of going to 2nd. It reminded me of what you would see from a first year, first game ever tee-baller. 

Jimmy Choo Shoes couldn’t keep up and the game was called, 5-1 for my Pitches. We have the Incrediballz up this week. I’m assuming they believe it was beginners luck this week for us, Webb is ready to prove those midnight YouTube showings weren’t for nothing. So, we’ll see you on the grass.

My Pitches be Crazy, and I love it.