Pitches Be Crazy

I have beef with Mother Nature. I’m of the native persuasion. I’ve tribal danced a time or two to the music of my people. So, I’m pretty confident in my abilities to make it rain. For the past couple weeks I’ve been trying to sweet talk her into some nicer weather. You know the whole rigmarole, not littering, actually using the restroom instead of peeing outside after an all-night rager. I’m just a regular dude trying to sweet talk her up to get what I want, which was some good weather on Tuesday. Instead, she hit me with the same cold shoulder I’ve become too familiar with. I tell people I play for the love of competition, but I really joined for the chicks and beer. Unfortunately, last week I walked into a National Geographic edition of “Surviving Winter with the Eskimos.” I’m pretty sure I heard, “put the hand-warmer in my bra,” at one point. I highly contemplated turning into one of those parents who forces their kids to play sports while they sit in their vehicle with the heater on  full blast and cheer from the parking lot. I didn’t, which is something I regret. I also heard someone call us the ‘Pretty team’ again, which considering you could only see our eyes, really makes me wonder what the rest of you look like. We got an awesome opportunity this week and got to play the team behind Pixar’s Incredibles. 

We started off the 1st inning at the plate, and I started off the 1st inning explaining what base coaches were... to a dude. Jeremy got the game going by beating out a bunt to 1st. Jeremy is the Ichiro of the Waka Kickball league. The dude is halfway down the line before you realize the game actually started. Next thing you know, we got the bases loaded with one out. Walkup took the plate dressed in the exact same clothing he used to use to drop weight back in the ol’ wrastlin’ glory days. Yes ladies, we have a wrestler on our team. No ladies, he will not be playing in his singlet later in the year... at least I hope not. Kup got on and scored Jeremy and Stephen. Kendall loaded the bases back up, but Kup started dreaming about that time he almost beat that wrestler from OSU and got rolled into a line drive double play. We let the first Inkredinutz batter on with an error, not because we don’t know what we are doing, basically because we are just nice like that. However, as that runner would eventually find out from Stephen, Rick Ross will pummel a motha-waka trying to advance to 3rd. We shut them out in the first. 

I can’t remember if the second inning was just irrelevant, or if I was too busy shot gunning alcohol to pay attention. Probably both, nothing happened and if you’re that interested in what a Pitches Be Crazy vs. Dragon Ball Z second inning looks like, read their blog. Hopefully, they mentioned something. 

Believe me, I didn’t think there was a YouTube Kickball Instructional video that Webb hasn’t seen yet. But after watching him whiff and slide down at the plate in the 3rd inning, I can assure you he has not watched the video on how to kick in the cold. We loaded the bases again with two outs, but Stephen couldn’t score. Considering his woman, Gabby, was there, I doubt he scored that night either. Kup had another WakaCenter top play in the bottom of the 3rd, diving in the mud with another “Dadadah-dadadah” 

We started off the top of the 4th with a 2-0 lead. Captain Chelsea took the plate, and then went down in a not so blaze of glory. Someone’s not taking practice very seriously are they? Yes, practice. We talking about practice, Iverson. You could tell we’ve been avoiding that subject, considering we couldn’t get another run in. Something unimportant in my life, but I’m positive was extra-magical for the Inkreditesties, occurred in the bottom of the 4th. The ref gave them 7 runs for some reason. Whatever, I couldn’t feel my body at this point. That means my heart was colder than usual, which means I couldn’t feel feelings. 

We didn’t put a run together in the top of the fifth, not because we couldn’t but because we were just ready to be warm again. We scored one but that was just to prove that we could have won that game if we wanted.

3-7 Inkredinadz. 

I guess the KC Royals are tired of sucking a fat one in the MLB and have decided to bless us with their presence this Tuesday. All I know is, they better be ready because we are throwing this at them. We may be new, but we Pitches Be Crazy.