All-Stars

The Thunder Conference All-Stars 

• Charli Bullard and Chris "Truck" Nixon  (... And Looking to Score)
• Tatianna Proctor and Dylan Davis  (Hoof Hearted?)
• Laronda Johnson and Greg Seal (Jack Booty Thugs)
• Joyce McMillar and Matt Scantlin (Milk Muscles)
• Erin Robinson and Philip Kierl (Thunder Thighs)
• Amanda Satterwhite and Dual Duran (Evolutionaries)
• Leslie Thomas and Oscar Esparza, Jr. (Stepdads)
• Melissa Fanning and Walter Jones (The D.D.'s)
• Casie Edgar and Clayton Raasch (Pink Tacos)
• Lauren Wilburn and Jay Doyle (Kick Tease)
• Molly Raynor and Clayton Drake (Kicks and Giggles)

The Lightning Conference All-Stars

• Kayla Lawson and Manny Calvin (OKC)
• Mallory Waither and Daniel Quintero (Casual Encounters)
• Cacy Bedoka and Latavius Porchia (My Jimmy Burns)
• Lindsay Colley and Rick Clare (It Burns When I Kick)
• Jaklyn Garret and Tad Alford (Wonderkick Amazeballs)
• Brittney Shaw and Tyler Carlson (The Incrediballz)
• Callie Haden and Richard Culmer (OKC Royals)
• Katie Reimer and Justin Webb (Pitches Be Crazy)
• Shauna Hall and Brad Collier (Angry Unicorns)
• Tessa Clinton and Sam Roberts (kickBall So Hard)
• We have ordered a medium and a large shirt  (Slap and Tickle)

Stepdads

Last week the Evolutionaries had their prayers answered as we didn’t get to play a game that counts.  That being said, with a limited number of players on my team we still would have ended in a tie.  Although I do see some good play out of their team, I am sure the Stepdads would be undefeated had we not had a situation come up.

This week the Stepdads shall be taking on the undefeated for two season s and two games,  … And Looking To Score.   Well who cares about all the times they haven’t lost- I only care about the time they will against us.  I have watched them play all of last fall and this season, they haven’t played the top of the conference yet.  So they shall be tested tomorrow night.  

Highlight Player of the Week

Leslie Thomas – I knew about this gem before we signed her this year to the franchise.  To the Stepdads that hadn’t gotten to see her play,  they were all impressed.  Congratulations Leslie on being our All-Star Female.  

Pitches Be Crazy

First off, I don’t know about you but I’m glad we were finally able to get a game in. I’ve been running out of excuses to give on why I won’t be able to attend another weekend practice to hone our kickball skills. There’s a 99.99% chance I’m fighting a hangover, and another 99.99% chance I’m getting ready to fight another. Rain dances? Ain’t nobody got time for all that. However to be fair, I’m quite possibly the reason one of those games got cancelled. A native got to make his money, you know? 

Yes, this might be our first year of kickball. Heck, most of us haven’t even played since the day our gym teacher let us play after that awkward 5th grade dance in the school cafeteria. You know what I’m talking about. Girls on the left, boys on the right. But we have grown since then, hit puberty and now my Pitches were beginning to have blue balls. Webb has been dying to put those new kickball fundamental skills he learned from his midnight YouTube binges to the test. Katie has had some new socks she’s been waiting to drop on the world for such an occasion. Chelsea has been tired of trying to figure out who will show up for practice, instead of guessing who might show up for the game. So we were pleased when we discover Mother Nature was going to fulfill our kicking of balls thirst, rather that Lake Hefner’s dry ass. We brought beer, but mostly penicillin for our match against My Jimmy Burns. 

The word around kickball town is that girl’s don’t usually pitch. We find that strange, and being all into sexual equality and all, we threw Jimmy’s Egg a little wrinkle. We unleashed Kendall. It worked. The first batter was so distracted, that by the time they realized what was going on, they fouled one off into Top 10 history. “Dadadah-dadadaah!” Kup comes flying in from left field. I swear, if dude had a cape, he probably would’ve stayed up for a 1/2 second longer. Stephen had his chance for Top 10 stardom with two outs, but couldn’t fondle Jimmy John’s balls appropriately. Didn’t matter, Jimmy couldn’t score. We started off slow, our first two kickers went down to the screams of our captian yelling, “Should’ve shown up to practice.” Then it was her turn, Chelsea kicked a dribble down the line and beat the throw to first. I haven’t seen Chels hit that type of speed since the last time she was chasing her kids around during our players meeting. She started a two out rally that loaded the bases, but like that one time freshman year, we just couldn’t close the deal. 

Taryn almost cost us Pitches a run in the top of the 3rd. With one out and a man on 2nd, Taryn disregarded Webbs advice of acting like you’ve been there before. She caught a pop up and then displayed all the vented up frustrations that come with teaching children, in one white girl victory dance. Jimmy Eats World’s runner advanced to 3rd, but Sam was rolling that stinky limburger cheese and got us out of the jam. Bottom of 3rd featured the play of the week. Jeremy got on base and as he was advancing around, he showed his athletic prowess as well as is appreciation for alcohol. He avoided the beer can lying on 3rd base, left there by Jimmy Buffet’s 3rd baseman. The kickball gods appreciated the gesture, and then blessed us with a run. 

We took control of the game in the 4th inning. Molly scored two runs, but after touching 1st base, she frolicked through out the outfield instead of going to 2nd. It reminded me of what you would see from a first year, first game ever tee-baller. 

Jimmy Choo Shoes couldn’t keep up and the game was called, 5-1 for my Pitches. We have the Incrediballz up this week. I’m assuming they believe it was beginners luck this week for us, Webb is ready to prove those midnight YouTube showings weren’t for nothing. So, we’ll see you on the grass.

My Pitches be Crazy, and I love it.

Kick Tease

Here is the highly anticipated weekly update from kickball heaven – the team headquarters for Kick Tease.

Glad to finally be back on the field last week, the mighty Kick Tease made short work of the overmatched Hoof Hearted? Spectators commented that the Kick Tease lineup has more good looking people than the red carpet at the Oscars.   While we agree that we have the prettiest lineup in all of kickball, we also believe we have the best lineup top to bottom that has ever been assembled (slight, very slight, exaggeration). 

The flip cup arena turned out to be a major disappointment last week.  Playing without flip cup All-American Cristi, we were dazed, confused, and drunk.  With that said we still held our own and will be looking for revenge this week.

This week’s opponent - Kicks and Wiggles or Shits and Giggles or whatever they call themselves - will suffer the same fate as our first two victims – face down in a ditch, booze in your hair, blood on your lips, holding a picture of Kick Tease wishing that you were us.

Often imitated, never duplicated – Kick Tease

Casual Encounters

kickBall So Hard better watch out for the Angry Unicorns this week. Last week the unicorns suffered a few missed connections thanks to the Casual Encounters, and this week they maybe angrier than ever. Unicorns - apparently when you said you had kicks like Jesus, you were referring to the drunk bum named Jesus that hangs out at the downtown Valero.

This week we will be Casually Encountering the team It Burns When I Kick. Sounds like we may need to bring a cooler full of penicillin rather than beer this week. That being said I would wager that they will need a whole lot more than penicillin to cure their wounded pride when we get done with them.

Sincerely,
SWF seeks Large Group: Must have at least 4 girls and 4 guys and be proficient in making it past first base.

Casual Encounters - watch more funny videos

Kicks and Giggles

Last week Kicks and Giggles met …And Looking To Score. Ya know it’s kinda easy to win when you NEVER MOVE YOUR BACK ROW!!!!  God, it’s obvious …And Looking To Score was a bit over confident and showed signs of not being held enough as a child.

This leave Kicks & Giggles with two options; we could go over to your mama’s and light a small fire in her panties, OR we could turn our focus onto Kick Tease… and since we light small fires daily, we will focus on Kick Tease.

Kick Tease, let me take this opportunity to tell you a little bit about Kicks & Giggles. Kicks & Giggles is a team with a dream! That dream involves a corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles yo-yo's, a circus midget, my grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger, a duck and becoming WORLD CHAMPION KICKBALLERS.  Some say we are crazy for having such a dream, but we didn’t choose the dream, the dream chose us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know we haven’t won a game (yet). But with any true ‘underdog’ story, the wins don’t start happening until the training montage has happened. Well guess what! We hit the weights, the juice and we cranked Joe Esposito- You’re the Best Around. We are ready! We are gonna twist off your head and spike it on the floors of a nightmare you can’t even imagine! We will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire!

This was good; I think we bonded,
Kicks & Giggles

Hoof Hearted?

Hoof hearted? We did. Right before we took a massive dump on the field.

Last week we had some mishaps. I could tell you right now about how our captain Jamie Robison dropped an easy pop fly to first because he wouldn’t set his beer down and his confidence in his catching ability was much overstated. Or I could tell you about how sweet Allie was so excited about getting to first that she forgot to run to second. I could go on and on, really. But instead, I will just tell you this:

We have found our wheel-house, and it is not playing kickball. Nay, it is drinking beer. We drink beer well and often. When this is combined with kickball, we do not perform what one would call “well.”

This week we play Milk Muscles, and seeing as I am lactose intolerant, I anticipate much more shitting on the field.

Did I mention that we love drinking? Don’t feel bad for us; buy us a beer.

Over and out. Don’t be mad when we cropdust you.

-Hoof hearted?