Kicks and Giggles

Last week Kicks and Giggles met …And Looking To Score. Ya know it’s kinda easy to win when you NEVER MOVE YOUR BACK ROW!!!!  God, it’s obvious …And Looking To Score was a bit over confident and showed signs of not being held enough as a child.

This leave Kicks & Giggles with two options; we could go over to your mama’s and light a small fire in her panties, OR we could turn our focus onto Kick Tease… and since we light small fires daily, we will focus on Kick Tease.

Kick Tease, let me take this opportunity to tell you a little bit about Kicks & Giggles. Kicks & Giggles is a team with a dream! That dream involves a corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles yo-yo's, a circus midget, my grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger, a duck and becoming WORLD CHAMPION KICKBALLERS.  Some say we are crazy for having such a dream, but we didn’t choose the dream, the dream chose us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know we haven’t won a game (yet). But with any true ‘underdog’ story, the wins don’t start happening until the training montage has happened. Well guess what! We hit the weights, the juice and we cranked Joe Esposito- You’re the Best Around. We are ready! We are gonna twist off your head and spike it on the floors of a nightmare you can’t even imagine! We will dance with you inside the six-sided ring of fire!

This was good; I think we bonded,
Kicks & Giggles

Hoof Hearted?

Hoof hearted? We did. Right before we took a massive dump on the field.

Last week we had some mishaps. I could tell you right now about how our captain Jamie Robison dropped an easy pop fly to first because he wouldn’t set his beer down and his confidence in his catching ability was much overstated. Or I could tell you about how sweet Allie was so excited about getting to first that she forgot to run to second. I could go on and on, really. But instead, I will just tell you this:

We have found our wheel-house, and it is not playing kickball. Nay, it is drinking beer. We drink beer well and often. When this is combined with kickball, we do not perform what one would call “well.”

This week we play Milk Muscles, and seeing as I am lactose intolerant, I anticipate much more shitting on the field.

Did I mention that we love drinking? Don’t feel bad for us; buy us a beer.

Over and out. Don’t be mad when we cropdust you.

-Hoof hearted?

Pink Tacos

Pink Tacos are kicking balls and taking names…


This week I am going to leave it short and sweet and let this picture speak for itself.

We are numero dos in the Thunder conference.  Our goal this week is to be numero uno in the conference because next week we have to take down one of the biggest hurdles in the conference, Drunk And Looking To Score.  It WILL happen, don’t doubt our determination.  

Dear D.D.’s, 

I promised your lovely captain Jennifer that there would be extra jello shots this week, so I expect everyone to make an appearance; we promise we won’t make you feel too bad about your impending loss. XOXO

P.S. Mother Nature is going down if she can’t figure out this Tuesday weather BS.

OKC

Good Day, OKC.
This is THE OKC.


I don't think we have a lot to say today.

We didn't earn that privilege.

In fact, if we beat you by less than 10, we don't let ourselves get sprinkles on our celebratory iced cream sundaes.

kickBall So hard played us close. Unfortunately for the rest of you, it will likely serve as our wakeup call. Don't expect for your team to come anywhere near that feat.


This week we face Oh, KC Royals. We don't know a lot about them.. We know we like their Captain. Good people there. And we know They were hurt by the rain as much as anyone, so they haven't been tested just yet. Yet.

We also hear they are full of soccer players. And we all know what happened the LAST time we hung out with soccer players.

People just can't keep their hands off of our firmly sculpted asses.



We wish you all the luck, Oh, KC Royals. 



And to the rest of you... remember that silly bounty. Let it keep you up at night.


And until next time,

If You Are Unafraid, You Are Uninformed.


~THE O.K.C

Hoof Hearted?

Hello. Hoof hearted? checking in again.

Things have been slow here. Remarkably slow. We have done no kicking of balls, and we have done little imbibing. We are still living in the glory of our singular victory, but we have very little else to report. We play Kicktease tomorrow, and based on our inexperience within this league, we are largely indifferent to this fact. So to you, Kicktease. A warning…

We're gonna skate to one song and one song only.

(Because we ) fart so hard muhfuckas wanna fine me. (I repeat) We fart so hard muhfuckas wanna fine me. But first kicktease gotta find me. What's 50 grand to a muhfuka like me, can you please remind me?

Fart so hard. (This shit crazy.) Y’all don't know that don't shit phase me… Kick Tease could go 0-82 and I look at you like this shit gravy.

 Fart so hard. (This shit weird) We ain't even supposed to be here… Fart so hard. Since we here, it's only right that we be fair. Psycho, we’re liable to be go Michael. Take your pick, Jackson, Tyson, Jordan, Game 6.

Fart so hard. (Got a broke clock.) Rolleys that don't tick tok. Audemars that losing time- hidden behind all these big rocks.

Fart so hard (I'm shocked too!) I'm supposed to be locked up too! If you escaped what I've escaped, you'd be in Paris getting fucked up too.

Fart so hard. (Let's get faded?) Le Meurice for like 6 days… Gold bottles, scold models, Spillin' Ace on my sick J's.

Fart so hard. (Bitch, behave!) Just might let you meet Ye- Chi towns D. Rose. I'm movin' Kick Tease to BK….

I repeat… Fart so hard kicktease wanna fine me. That shit cray (x6)

Kick tease said, “Ye can we get married at the mall?” We said, “Look you need to crawl 'fore you fart. Come and meet me in the bathroom stall, and show me why you deserve to have it all…”

Fart so hard. (That shit cray.) Ain't it Jay?

Fart so hard… What she order?! … Ah, fish filet.

Fart so hard! (Your whip so cold) this old thing?

Fart so hard. Act like you'll ever be around muhfuckas like this again.

Kick tease girl, grab her hand. Fuck that bitch she don't wanna dance. Excuse my French, but I'm in France… (I'm just sayin)Kick Tease ain't do it right if you ask me, cause if I was him 

I would have married Tacos and DD’s.

What's Gucci, my nigga? What's Louie, my killa? What's drugs, Kick teasa? What's that jacket, Margiela? Doctors say I'm the illest, cause I'm suffering from realness. Got my gas-x in Paris, and they going gorillas, huh!

(“…Um… I don't even know what this means…?"

No one knows what it means but its provocative…!"

"No it's not..."

"It gets kickballers GOING…!")

Anyway…

Fart so hard Kicktease wanna fine me..

You are now watching the **throne. Don't let me get in my zone… These other ballers is lyin’. Actin' like the season ain't mine.


I got that hot fart in my home. You know how many hot farts I own? Don't let me get in my zone…

The farts is in the building; they hands is to the ceiling. We know we bout to kill it. (How you know?) I got that ***feeling…

We’re definitely in our zone…

(** toilet.

*** gas)

Good talk. See you out there.

Pink Tacos

Pink Taco’s: 1-2-3 EAT IT!

Now I know that almost every one of us kickball players are quite disappointed that we have had two full weeks off.  The only two teams who I see no disappointment from are The Stepdads and Thunder Thighs.  Their reasoning being that they are excited that they avoided being embarrassed by us.

This week we are scheduled to take down the Jack Booty Thugs.  We are looking forward to beating up on one of the oldest teams in the league!  I’m not talking old as in been around the block, I literally mean old.  The combined ages of the team have to be over 1000.  We do want to make sure that the Jack Booty Thugs have plenty of space for their walkers and oxygen tanks.  The Pink Tacos don’t want to get in trouble for ageism!  Don’t forget to stop by for jello shots after the butt kicking.  Our Co-Captain prides herself on her delicious jello shot making skills.

Apache Master and Alyssa Southwell

Editorial note: I wanted to make sure I wasn’t too mean to Jack Booty Thugs today (which is Greg Seal’s team) because we would still like to get service when we visit Grandad’s after the game.  We do notice talent when it comes to partying, and if there is any team on the OK Capital league that can keep up with The Pink Tacos, its Jack Booty Thugs.

Angry Unicorns

Dear Casual Encounters,

We anticipate our casual encounter will result in all of you doing the walk of shame to Grandad's.  I believe some revised Mickey Avalon lyrics will say it best for the Unicorns this week:

Our kick cost a late night fee
Your kick got the HIV
Our kick plays on the double feature screen
Your kick went straight to DVD
Our kick - bigger than a bridge
Your kick look like a little kid's

Our kick - large like the Chargers, the whole team
Your kick look like you fourteen

Our kick - so hot, it's stolen
Your kick looks like Gary Coleman
Our kick - red and big
Your kick stinks like shit
Our kick is like super size
Your kick look like two fries
Our kick - more mass than the Earth
Your kick - half staff, it needs work
Our kick - been there done that
Your kick sits there with dunce cap
Our kick - V.I.P.
Your kick needs I.D.
Our kick needs no introduction
Your kick don't even function
Our kick served a whole lunch -in
Your kick - it looks like a munchkin
Our kick - size of a pumpkin
Your kick look like Macaulay Culkin
Our kick - good good lovin'
Your kick - good for nothin'
Our kick bench pressed 350
Your kick couldn't shoplift at Thrifty

Our kick - pretty damn skippy
Your kick - hungry as a hippie
Our kick don't fit down the chimney
Your kick is like a kid from the PhilippinesOur kick is like an M16
Your kick - broken vending machine

Our kick parts the seas

Your kick cuts the cheese

Our kick goes to yoga
Your kick - fruit roll -up

Our kick - rumble in the jungle
Your kick got touched by your uncle
Our kick - grade -A beef
Your kick - Mayday geek
Our kick - sick and dangerous
Your kick - quick and painless
Our kick - 'nuff said.

Your kick - needs meds.


It's time that we let the world know
C.E., you gotta let your dreams go
Unicorns are the best in the business
P.S. we got kicks like Jesus